What is the art of ceremonymaxxing?

We are not just talking about a jaw-dropping entrance where the timing of the music with the doors opening helps maximise the impact of seeing you for the first time on your wedding day or your grandad giving an emotional reading of The Art Of Marriage. 

It is elliciting a response in every single one of your guests so that they feel part of what is happening in front of them rather than just an observer. We are finding all the ways in which we can enable them to be present in the moment instead of thinking when is the prosecco going to arrive?

Ok, so this is a little bit of a tongue-in-cheek take on the various social media trends that have popped up recently. But when you translate it to the realm of the wedding ceremony - it’s actually what celebrants are already doing and how they are guiding their couples to have a deeply meaningful and unforgettable ceremony. 

So let’s take a look at all of the elements of ceremonymaxxing.

It’s all in the choreography

Caveat: we know your ceremony isn’t a theatrical performance, it’s a real moment. It’s a rare moment. All of your favourite people are in the room you are about to step into so why not make it memorable? 

Here are all of the ways your ceremony can have maximum impact.

The entrance

An entrance isn’t something that just happens in the moment, it can be planned with intention. I explore the various ways in which a couple can make their entrance here: Blog post - Do I really have to be given away? Have a read and see which option calls to you the most. 

When you have decided who, how and when you are going to make your entrance, you can finesse it. And this means not just walking into the ceremonial space with the music, you can sync your entrance to the exact moment the music swells and the chorus kicks in with a full orchestral moment. Think, the door opens, the drums kick in and announce that the important people at the centre of the day are actually here. 

If there are other members of the wedding party before you, time their entrance to specific points in the song. You will need to run through it but this can be done the evening before when everyone has gathered for your wedding festivities. But have your plan sorted before sharing it with them. You could even ask someone you trust to be the keeper of the plans. You don’t want to be holding it all in your head the night before, you want to know that someone who has a good attention to detail is holding them and making sure that everyone knows what they are doing. It could be a bridesmaid/man/person but, equally, it could be someone who is not in the wedding party at all.

Do not be tempted to step in time to the music (unless you are planning on embracing a full-on choreographed dance entrance) as it will look stilted. There is nothing worse than seeing the wedding party take a step, pause, take another step. This is actually one of my wedding ceremony icks. Just don’t do it!

The greeting 

Next up, know how you are going to greet each other at the front. If you’ve walked into the space together, you can plan a little flourish - give one another a hug, a kiss (but save the big one on the lips until the end of the ceremony), wave coquettishly at your guests, embrace your nearest and dearest who are sitting on the front row. 

If someone has escorted you down the aisle, how are you going to interact with them before they take their seats? Again, plan the movements - a hug, a handshake, a kiss… Make sure everyone knows what they are doing. You do not want to go in for a kiss only for your nose to go into an ear. Rehearse it!

Where to stand or sit

When you’ve greeted everyone you want to greet and the music fades, how are you going to stand or sit? I always think that a couple should face their guests. Traditionally, couples have always had their backs to their guests during the wedding ceremony. This is the worst wedding ceremony configuration ever. 

Your guests want to see your faces during the ceremony. They want to engage with you and they can’t do that if they are looking at your back and noticing, “Oops, they forgot to remove the tailor tacks from the flaps of their jacket.”

My favourite configuration is the horse shoe. I like to stand or sit in this shape with the couple to my right. With a heterosexual couple, the groom will stand or sit in the middle then the bride to his right. This is so the dress has space to exist. And if the couple are both in dresses, we can make the horseshoe bigger if needs be. Of course, you can position yourselves in whichever order suits you best but the horseshoe allows for connection with your guests. 

Standing or sitting in a tight semi-circle allows me to make eye contact with both of you and with everybody else. It is the formation of true connection. We are all in this together. Your guests will love it, I promise you. If you decide to be seated, I will usually stand but the final decision is always yours.

If you are a nervous couple, you can stand facing one another for the whole ceremony. This is your day - you can choose to experience it as you want to experience it. Your guests will still love seeing you and witnessing the ceremony unfold. 

The vows and ring exchange

When it comes to the vows and ring exchange, it makes sense for couples to face each other. But I always advise going against tradition here - if your guests are seated on set sides, swap them over. If Partner A’s family and friends are sitting on the opposite side to where Partner A is standing, they will be able to see your face as you say your vows. And vice versa.

The kiss

So when the moment comes to kiss one another at the end, kiss with intention. Hold the kiss for at least 3 - 5 seconds so that your photographer can capture it. You could turn and face your guests then turn back and go in for another one! Why not give your photographer a second chance to capture it?

Your exit

Your exit is going to have a totally different vibe to your entrance. You’ve gone from the anticipation, the nerves and everybody on their best behaviour to raucous cheering, whoops and applause. Your guests have been taken on a journey and so your entrance needs to match the energy.

It is always good to choose music which matches this. Hold hands, pause, then go. Raise your hands in the air, look at your guests as you leave. And I always suggest adding another flourish mid-aisle. If you are feeling daring, you can go for the Hollywood dip. Alternatively, you can have another kiss, or twirl each other around or come up with your own little flourish. Dirty Dancing-style life anyone?

Quick hacks to maximise the impact

• Know exactly who is doing the music - a trusted friend, the venue, someone else like a live performer. Download the ceremony music and ensure the phone is in airplane mode. We don’t want any calls or notifications interrupting the ceremony. And, most importantly, unlock the phone. You don’t want to have to mouth the code to your music person during the ceremony because the phone has locked.

• Most couples opt against having sides when it comes to ceremony seating but DO label the front few rows with individual name cards so it is absolutely clear who is sitting there. Think parents, grandparents, siblings, bridesmaids/men/folk, groomsmen/women/folk.

   

• Have a microphone if you have a larger gathering. No one is going to complain that they heard the ceremony too much. Ask the venue to ensure that it is working properly. Do this early on in the planning process so you can actually hear it then ask them to check it again nearer the day and on the day. Dodgy microphones can ruin a ceremony with crackles and hisses. If you are overly concerned, you can hire one in with a small PA yourself.

   

• Make sure your vows are of a similar length and style. You can confer on word count (we don’t want War And Peave vs The Hungry Caterpillar) but if you are keeping your vows a surprise for one another, I can sense-check them on your behalf and let you know if you need to make any small tweaks.

   

• Make the ceremony interactive - a group vow, a surprise ring bearer, a sing along. Your guests will love taking part.

   

• And lastly, this is an important one. Have an unplugged ceremony - no phones. This will ensure that your guests are present and not taking in your ceremony through a screen. Your photographer will be very happy to capture everyone’s happy, smiling phones and not a sea of phones. You’ll be happy too when you receive the photos.

The details

If you want to chat all things ceremonymaxxing, get in touch with me and we can arrange an informal call.

The wonderful wedding venue that Ash and Jenny held their celebration at is Cripps Barn.

And the glorious photos were taken by Hamish Irvine.