Can you have a celebrant and a registrar at your wedding?
The short answer is yes. You can have a celebrant and a registrar on your wedding day. It’s less common with couples choosing one or the other. You may have to compromise somewhere but it can be done.
What you need to know first
It’s a tricky path to navigate when combining the registrars with a celebrant on the day of your wedding. Getting what you want may take the highly attuned diplomatic skills of a maid of honour keeping the two-year-old flower girl from eating the wedding cake as a starter. But here are the basics…
A celebrant-led ceremony and a registrar-led ceremony feel very different. You will know your celebrant when they are there to meet you in the ceremonial space. You will have spent time with them. You’ve laughed, cried, moaned and put the world to rights. You probably know the name of their dog and where they grew up. And they know everything about you. This essential connection means your ceremony can be the tender, gorgeous, munchy morsel of a vibe that it will be. We can’t do the legals - yet - but we can start the day as you want it to go on. And you have complete freedom over the timing, content, rituals, music and everything else!
It’s a bit of a council worker lottery when it comes to registrars. Some are amazing and do a brilliant job. Some will make your wedding photographer quake in their sturdy, flat, comfortable shoes. Some will even race down the aisle before you’ve even finished your first kiss (we’ve all seen that reel on Instagram). They always come in pairs. One speaks, one listens. Sometimes, the one who does the talking calls themself a celebrant. (I wish they wouldn’t do this - it is very confusing for couples and I’d be in big trouble if I called myself a registrar.)
What celebrant couples do
Most couples who book a celebrant complete the legals a few days before their big celebration. They take two of their people to witness it and go for a nice meal afterwards. Everything is done and dusted before their big day so they can relax and enjoy every moment having taken care of the legally binding part.
But we really want the legalities and the personalisation on the day
If you feel that you just can’t separate out the legalities from your wedding day, this is what you can do.
- You will need to have booked a licensed venue.
- You could do two ceremonies - the legal ceremony followed by the personalised ceremony. But two ceremonies, two emotional arcs, twice the amount of sitting down… It feels… lengthy.
- You could do a small legal ceremony with immediate family present before the rest of the guests arrive. Maybe a couple of close friends as your witnesses. Many venues have a smaller licensed room for just this purpose.
- The other option is to blend the celebrant and registrars ceremony together. Registration services tend to be less open to this one.
However, it does happen but only serves to highlight the inconsistency of registration services across the country and indeed the individuals who work within one register office. (Wedding reform can’t come soon enough!) So it can happen - a celebrant and the registrars can work together to produce your ceremony.
I’ve done it and I have thoughts.
Firstly, the registrars I met were lovely and, like me, clearly wanted the best for the couple. They were happy to meet me and to, essentially, be part of the ceremony I had created for the couple. They were happy for me to lead and for them to step in at the relevant moment.
Months prior to this, the registration service (and it is important to distinguish between the individual registrars and the registration service - the local council department they work for) stated that their registrars would welcome the guests then I could have 8 minutes to speak before they picked it up again and completed the ceremony.
How did it work?
After a lot of negotiation and very firm words from the couple, I was allowed to lead the whole ceremony and deliver it just as I normally would. I introduced the registrars during the welcome and handed over to them for the declarations and contracting words. Yes, the tone changed. The couple were about to take part in the legal marriage which is a serious undertaking. However, the registrar brought their gentle personality to the fore and made the legalities as special as they were able to.
I led on the ring exchange and then handed back to the registrars for the signing of the schedule. I completed the ceremony and presented the couple. Initially, the registration service had to check I was allowed to do this but they agreed that I was. The ceremony flowed well and the registrars were very patient.
There were other things I noticed. I arrived a lot earlier to meet the rest of the wedding team, to complete the checks and to greet the couple - separately. I had the time to check in with them, quell any nerves and make them feel supported.
I’d met the couple multiple times both online and in person. We greeted each other with big hugs and conversed as people who know each other do. Having only just met, there were polite and professional handshakes between the registrars and the couple.
The couple had to be interviewed separately before their ceremony. The registrars confirmed their identity and asked some simple questions. It was routine and official. My couple engaged calmly and everything went smoothly. Some couples find this stressful, others take it in their stride.
My script had to be approved a few weeks earlier but there were no issues with the words I had written. And the couple’s personal vows, written under my guidance, were approved too.
The registrar was very good at putting the couple at ease before their declarations and contracting words reminding them to hold hands and be present with one another.
The most important bit
There is no legal reason why you cannot have a ceremony formatted like this with the celebrant in charge and the registrars undertaking the legalities at the chosen moment. But many local authorities will insist that you cannot have this arrangement. If you are faced with this, speak to them and get them to lay out the reasons why. At the end of the day, you are still paying the full fee for a registrar to come to your venue and, in reality, when you combine them with a celebrant, they do less work.
Oh yeah, it is important to note that having the registrars and a celebrant will cost more. With the cost of the registrars to come to your venue being between £600 and £900 depending upon the local authority, and your celebrant fee, you are paying for two ceremonies. But like with anything wedding-related, if that’s your priority, that’s where the money goes.
And lastly, I noticed that I was better at stepping out of the way for the vows and ring exchange. I always step out of the way - this is your moment. It’s the heart of your ceremony and is about you two. You don’t need me photobombing the moment you pledge your commitment to one another. Unless you really want me to be in the shot! (And you really don’t!).
So there we have it - what I learnt about incorporating the legalities and some registrars into a celebrant-led ceremony. If you’d like to know more about my approach to creating your wedding ceremony, you can visit my weddings page. And if you would like to arrange a chat - get in touch. I’d love to talk about how we can make your day unique and bring all the vibes that will make it completely yours.
If you like the photographs in this blog, why not check out the amazingly talented folk who took them:
